Rediscovery

I did something that would probably horrify every professional musician on the face of the earth. I took a 2.5 month break from practicing. I can hear the whispered muttering now: She did what? She's going to get so much worse. How could she give up so easily?

But the fact of the matter is ultimately this: I needed it.

I needed it after eleven years of working to get into orchestras, working to sit in a better seat, working to get into college, working to sound ok at the next recital, working to pass a jury, working to fulfill the required practice hours, working for the sake of working to prove that I could. Somewhere in the midst of all the work, music - with the sole exception of playing with an orchestra - ceased to be music. It became a requirement. Not only that, but it became something I could use to show myself that I had something worthwhile to offer society.

So I took 2.5 months off. Did I lose some ground? Yes. Does my embouchure get tired after ten minutes? Yes. Do I find this pathetic? Ha...you'd better believe it. But I think the benefits outweigh the consequences here, dire as they are. Suddenly, music has more meaning. All throughout my lengthy hiatus I felt like something was missing, and practicing today - however briefly - made me realize what it was. One cannot abandon a method of offering praise to one's Creator without recognizing a sense of loss.

But now, with renewed clarity and purpose, mere practicing can be a form of worship that it never was before. What could be more beneficial than that?