The Joys of Public School

There have been some seemingly unimportant things that I've learned while student teaching that may actually have some significance. For example, I've learned to USE THE COPIER! Now, I'm not just talking about putting a sheet of paper on the glass, shutting the lid, and pressing start. That I could have done in middle school. No. I'm talking about taking sheets of 9 x 13 music, reducing the size, scanning four pages, reversing the order, double-siding, and ending up with one sheet of double-sided-with-a-fold-down-the-middle 11 x 17 paper. Hardcore, right? I will entitle this Skill Number 1: Mastering the Art of Sheet Music Copying.

Skill Number 2 does not have quite as concise a title as skill number one. It goes something like this: The Fine Art of Bringing Food to School When One is Horrible at Buying Portable Nourishment. The fact of the matter is, I don't like lunch food. I just don't. I'd much rather heat up leftovers from dinner the night before than make a sandwich that will be wimpy and gross by the time I take it out four hours later. Moreover, there's no good way to keep the food cold if it needs to be. Ice packs are helpful, but then you take out your sandwich, and one side of the bread is dry and cold, and the other side is warm and soggy. Your granola bar is too hard, because the honey that holds it together has solidified. Your water is ok because it's in a bottle that hasn't been in your lunchbox all day, but you're so bummed about your food being strange temperatures and consistencies that the success of the water doesn't really count. Because of all this, I don't buy lunch food, which presents a problem since I need to bring a lunch every day. This has led to me either being really, really hungry by the time I get home or coming up with something rather unusual to bring. I count today as my best idea yet - I made oatmeal in a thermos in the morning, and brought it with me along with a long-handled spoon. It was lovely. I think it beats last week, when I brought a small loaf of homemade bread and ripped chunks of it off for two days. Sadly, when I had the bread I forgot that I also had a block of cheese, or that would have come along as well. I think I'm improving.

Skill Number 3: A Formula - Amount of Chocolate Consumed = Amount of Happiness at the End of the Day. No kidding. I have eaten more chocolate this semester daily than I have in the past 7, probably combined. Chocolate just makes everything better.

Skill Number 4: Gaining Personal Amusement from Overheard Quotes. Here are some of my favorites:

"You play the obee, right?"

Teacher: "I don't have one of those Facemail things."

High school student: "What's your favorite brain disorder?"

Me: "Trombones, what does pesante mean?"
Trombone section: "PIRATE-LIKE!"

::Student hold up both hands to high five:: "You're my best friend!!" "NO! She's MY best friend!" "NO! She's MY best friend!!"

5th grade girl I've never met: "You're SO SKINNY! You're, like, smaller than ME!" Me: "Uhhhh....well....I think I'm pretty normal...." (She's in 5th grade. I am certainly not smaller than she is.) Girl: "Is that a weird thing to say? People say I'm unusual." Me: "I like unusual people!" Girl: "Oh good. Hi, by the way."

Me: "Baritone...what's your name? You're doing a great job!"
Baritone player: "Colin!"
Sax player: "YEEEEEEEEEAH, DECLAN!"
Me: ::correctly assuming sax player is either lying or not paying attention:: "Hi Colin!"

6th grade clarinet: "My poor baby [clarinet!] She's broken! Is she going to die?!?"
5th grade clarinet: "No, but you'll have to take her to clarinet hospital. They'll take good care of her, but she'll probably have to stay there awhile because she's sick. They'll have to give her medicine! And maybe surgery!"

(Then there are the All-State audition singer quotes. Here we recognize the difference between singers and musicians.)

"Oh my GOSH! I just couldn't find the pitch because it was like, a WHOLE step away from the other one!"

::After looking at the key signature:: "A was do! E was sol!" "No, you're wrong. E was do. A was sol!" "No! It was the other way around!" "No it wasn't!" (Mind you, if A was do, E would be sol, but if E was do, B would be sol, and A would be fa. Fail.)

"I think I did really well!"
::I look at score sheet, see all 1s and 2s out of 10:: ".....great!"

"Yeah, my life goal is to go to Berklee and be a Song-Writing major."

Andrew to a tenor wearing organ shoes: "Oh, so you're an organist?"
Organ-shoes tenor: "Uh....no....why would you think that?"

"Oh, I'm soooooo glad there weren't any dotted quarter notes on the sight reading! I would have died!!"

I think that's pretty much it. Sometimes, being around public school and its students is pretty amusing.